I have spent the past week writing to many of my friends in the aftermath of Tuesday's tragedy so I haven't had any time to update this journal. I had started a minor update late Monday night but never got to finish it because my friend Alison called me and we decided to drive down to Rhode Island to catch the sunrise down there. She's a surfer and wanted to taste the first waves of the hurricane season.

It was a beautiful, sunny and warm September morning. Who would have thought that September 11, 2001 would end up being one of the most horrible days in the history of this nation? We were coming back from the beach around 10AM when we found out about all this. At first I could not believe it. Then as the radio reports started pouring in, as I heard the voice of Mayor Giuliani talking about people jumping from the windows of the 110 story twin towers, it became all too real.

We felt guilty for enjoying that trip down to Rhode Island, for having this beautiful day in a safe place while people were dying and suffering in New York and Washington. We finally saw some images on television in a restaurant around lunch time. It was worse than any action movie I had ever seen. Then later when I got home, videos started surfacing of the actual crashes. They showed from every angle those two airliners disappearing into the towers and the following ball of fire engulfing several stories. And then of course the black cloud of dust and smoke when the towers collapsed. Truly beyond horror.

All the while, I was trying to reach my friends who live in New York to make sure they were okay but could not place a long distance call because the circuits were overloaded. It took two days before I managed to get in touch with everybody but I now know that they are all okay. Shaken but alive.

Having lived in New York for seven months, the horror and devastation hit really close to home. I remember only a few months ago, taking the PATH train from Jersey City and getting off at the World Trade Center. How many times did I stand in line at the TKTS booth at the bottom of tower number 2? How many hours did I spend walking around the financial district?

The images on television do not reflect the scale of the destruction. I started understanding when I heard reports of other buildings in danger of collapsing due to severe damage, buildings which were hundreds of feet from the twin towers! And today I saw a picture of the South Tower collapsing, taken from Park Row with the huge thick cloud of black dust coming at the camera. I feel sad. Sad for the people who died in the attack but also sad for this city which will never be the same again.

Back here in Boston, where the two planes which destroyed the WTC originated from, it is difficult to go anywhere without being confronted with the horror and the sadness of Tuesday's tragedy. Police cars guard every government building. I hear they reopened the airport this morning. Usually so busy with planes waiting to take off, Logan was totally immobilized all week, as if time had stopped on that tragic morning.

Everybody from Cirque was quickly contacted and we are all okay. A friend of mine had a very close call however, she came within seconds of being on one of those doomed flights out of Logan. Makes you realize how fragile and precious life can be. It was hard to go back to work on Wednesday. The flags on the Big Top were flying at half staff. Everybody was shaken up by the recent events. The shows this week are dedicated to the victims of the tragedy and those participating in the rescue mission. There is a little announcement at the top of the show and it is a very emotional moment.

Watching the rescuers working at the WTC and the Pentagon, what we do here seems so insignificant. I wish I could do more. One spectator wrote us this week after seeing the show, saying that it was a perfect example of people of different nationalities and different religions working together to create beauty. It was a great confidence booster to hear someone say that even if we dont save lives like the firemen in New York, we can still make a difference in someone else's life.

And I think ultimately, people of different nationalities and religions working together is the only way we will ever see the end of that war. The United States have the power and the technology to find and destroy just about any terrorist in the world. However the only way we will ever rid the world of those monsters is if all countries unite and say "we will not tolerate this anymore". There is hope but I am afraid that too many people, too many countries are still afraid to get involved.

One woman called on TV the other day and said that the only way she could explain this to her child was to tell him that it was like bullies at school and I think she was absolutely right. The only way to get rid of bullies is to stand up to them. One person cannot do much but when the whole school gets into it, the bullies become powerless. It's late, I have to tear down tomorrow night. I need sleep. Will continue this later. What about what I had started writing Monday night? I just erased it. It is so unimportant now.