When you run such a high-class establishment as the Sunparks, you need to make sure you have a security force which will be capable of maintaining order while upholding the high standards which you've set forth. But since the average security agent (not just at Sunparks, I have noticed a trend which spans continents) has the I.Q. of a bowl of alphabet soup, you need to make the rules crystal clear and leave no space for error or God forbid, initiative.

The managers at Sunparks did just that. There is a clear menu of infractions, which are even color coded according to their seriousness. Make a little too much noise after 11PM and you get a green card. Get a few too many green cards and you will get a yellow card. The yellow card comes with a fine. And if you get a red card, then you are officially kicked off the property. I still can't see how that would be a bad thing but apparently, it is.

One of the reasons why us staying at Sunparks was such a bad idea is that our needs are completely different from most people who normally would stay there. We were there for two months, not two weeks. We do not have cars, most tourists do. Most of us also work at night and come home around midnight, while most of the other Sunparks guests are asleep shortly after sunset, exhausted after a long, hard day of tanning, making sand castles and trying all the rides at the water park.

Imagine yourself coming home from work, sitting in the backyard with a few friends while having a conversation when a security guard arrives carrying a flashlight the size of a baseball bat, which he shines in your eyes. He then proceeds to say (not always in the most polite manner) that neighbors have called to complain about the noise. Never mind the fact that there are no telephones inside any of the houses and that most of the neighbors are actually there sitting around your picnic table. Or you're sitting inside your house watching a movie when "Mag-Lite Dude" bangs his baseball-bat-flashlight in your window, shining it again in your eyes. Ever heard of knocking on the door like they do in most civilized countries?

Many people at Cirque became convinced that there was a policy of targetting our houses when it came to those warnings and complaints. It is obvious that they did not enjoy our presence more than we enjoyed their hospitality. I'm not sure about the targetting but the way the rules were made and applied was definitely a little one-sided. Because for all the green / yellow cards that were issued during our stay, they certainly didn't have a problem with mowing the lawn at 7:30 in the morning and I would be surprised if Mag-Lite Dude ever went to bother the parents of those brats who were yapping away at the crack of dawn. By "their" schedule, it was day and it was our problem if we were still sleeping. Oh well...

One night I was walking the infamous quarter mile to the common room when I saw one of "Sunparks' Finest" coming towards me. He was lighting the way ahead of him with his flashlight but sure enough as he saw me, he lifted the light off the ground and pointed it in my face. I had just come home from work and still had my work tools on my belt so I took out my own mag-lite and pointed it in his face. "Look, I got one of those too!", I said. The guy was obviously under the influence of something, might have been alcohol. He asks me where was villa 762 (or something like that).

I wasn't sure I heard correctly so I made him repeat and sure enough he said the same thing again. So just in case any Sunparks security guards are reading this (if they can read in the first place), here's my answer. First of all, I dont know where villa 762 is and I don't care where villa 762 is. And you know what, it's YOUR f***ing job to know where villa 762 is. And while we're at it, any conversation which begins with your f***ing Mag-Lite in my eyes is not going to finish very well! For God's sake, what ever happened to the process of natural selection?

TO BE CONTINUED...